So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
