The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize