dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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