i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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