in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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