We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Randomize
