I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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