We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
