It's Friday. Sex?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize