my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
