Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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