remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
whose ass print is on the piano?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
