Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
