dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
