I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize