They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
