It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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