Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Drunk is not a location!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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