nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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