My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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