guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
