Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
