Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
