I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
