I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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