i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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