I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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