I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
