I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
