After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
