she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
