I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
