she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
