we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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