like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
