Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
