hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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