tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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