you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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