I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just found puke in my bra..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
