Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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