Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize