I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I cannot find my penis.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
