you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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