Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
