Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
