My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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