Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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