So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
