Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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