I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You pole danced in your parka.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
