Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize