The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
