all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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