Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize