Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize