'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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