I think my vagina is haunted
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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