You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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