we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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