Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
