How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
