I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
